Love.

It is a word that is used loosely these days. We all need it. Most of us long for it. Some of us spend our whole lives searching for it. Others cannot see that it is right in front of them or maybe even run from it. 

But, do we really understand what love is? 

This article does a good job of explaining the two different meanings of love that we see in the bible. The word "ahab" is most commonly used in reference to human love. The word 'hesed' is most commonly used when referring to Gods love toward us and it is best translated to kindness.

I love (ahab) my husband and my child. Of course. There are many people in my life who I love (ahab). Those people, for the most part, are pretty easy to love. However, when I really ask myself the tough questions about whether I am loving (hesed) to people in general, not just the easy ones, I have to be honest and say that I often fall short.   

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." 
1 John 4:9-10

We are called to love one another as God loves us. If Gods love for us is translated to kindness or mercy, then we are called to be kind and merciful to each other. 

This led me to think about 1 Corinthians 13:13 which says that love is greater than faith and hope. I consider myself a person of faith. I have gone through trials in this life which I believe I only got past because of my faith and hope in God. But, does my life point to that? Is my love greater than my hope and faith? If not, then can I really have faith and hope without love? 

Most of these verses are pretty well-known. I have heard, read, and probably even used them time and time again. However, I find myself questioning whether I have ever fully understood or practiced them. 

I have a lot of walls. Walls which keep people out and walls that keep me in. Some of those walls are a result of being hurt. Others stem from a fear of letting people see my flaws and being judged. I am sure I am not alone in the fear of loving, but not having it reciprocated. I even wonder if I am afraid to give or accept love due to the responsibly that comes along with it. The base of all of these is fear. 

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 
1 John 4:18

I am fearful. My fear keeps me from being able to love on others and often times keeps others from being able to know me enough to truly love me. This fear is keeping me from Gods purpose, His calling for my life.

Where does that leave me? I know that my desire is to live and love in a way that is pleasing God. I know that God promises to give us the desires of our hearts if we are seeking Him (Psalm 37:4) and to refine us for our good (Zechariah 13:9). I pray that I would continue to be made aware of the areas where I am not putting God where He should be. First. Always. Regardless, of how I feel. That my fear of man will be eclipsed by my desire to love man as God loves me. It seems like such a simple thing, yet some how Satan keeps finding a way to creep the fear back in to my heart. 

Refine me, so that You can call me Yours and I can call You mine.