First comes love...

Marriage can be tough. REALLY tough. Don't get me wrong, it can be equally as amazing and rewarding, but it requires constant work, adjustment, growth and compromise. Men and women are very different. Marriage is the union of two people who think differently and enjoy different things. Many of the things that cause us to disagree are the very things which first attracted us to each other. We don't want to change the other person, we just want to help the other one grow, right? We were each created for our own journey, given talents and traits meant to aid us in serving our purpose. But those talents and traits can easily be misunderstood and misused if we aren't actively seeking Gods will for our lives.

Marriage consists of two sinful creatures attempting to function as one unit. We are human and, if you are anything like my husband and I, we fail often. We are selfish. We hurt each other. We fight unfairly. We don't communicate our needs or show our appreciation. But at the end of the day our intentions are good and we wouldn't want to do life with any one else. We want to do more than just make it work, we want to thrive as a couple. We want to be an example of what Gods love for the church looks like. We want to change the world and those around us for the better. One day we want to be one of those old couples you see from time to time that is still dating each other, laughing together, holding hands and kissing. 

A healthy marriage requires a strong foundation of the right components. If you have too much or too little of any one thing, you will eventually see the cracks forming. If you ignore the cracks, they won't just go away. They will get worse until your relationship caves in. First, of course is God and then your spouse, but you also need family, friends and accountability partners to go to for advice, support and prayer. Unbiased outsiders can listen, watch and give feedback on the things they see that we cannot see in the thick of it all. It's important to have people with the same beliefs and goals as you and your spouse, even some who are beyond you in life that you look up to and would like to model your life after. Without these things, when the going gets tough it may seem easier just to leave. It may seem worse than it really is if you don't have a support system in place. Trust me on this, we are having to learn the hard way. 

Most importantly, just love each other. REALLY love each other. Not just with romantic love, although that also helps sometimes, even when we don't feel like it. Love each other with Godly love (click here to read about Godly love). If you've got love, there's a good chance you will make it through whatever you are facing. We may have many sins, but we have even more love. Love is our saving grace.

From the outside.

Funny thing, how we cannot see ourselves from the outside the way that others see us. Sure, we have mirrors, photos and videos but they don't quite capture the essence of who we really are, do they? They only give us a small glimpse of how we appear. They don't show our quirkiness, our funny little mannerisms, our true beauty or the special little things that those closest to us have come to love. They don't show our inner scars, our trials behind the scenes, our insecurities, those things by which we are often judged and misunderstood.

On the flip side, though we will never fully know how we appear on the outside, no one else will ever know exactly how we tick on the inside. What we think about, why we do the things we do... Those are between us and God.

I often wonder how I appear and what others think of me. At times, this wondering has caused me such anxiety that it crippled me. I have been so consumed with what others are thinking of me that I couldn't think of anything else. I couldn't even listen to what they were saying. My mother in law, who I have come to cherish more than any other woman in this world, once pointed out to me that being so consumed with those thoughts is selfish. And she couldn't be more correct. In worrying about what another person thinks of me, I am really just thinking of myself. Which is the opposite of what I want to be doing, right? Right.

We are called to be free from the thoughts, patterns and chains of this world.  If I am consumed by what others think of me, I am enslaved by that. I am a slave to what I think they MAY think of me. {It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1} God wants more for and from my life.

We as Christians are called to be set apart. {My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. John 17:15-18} Our desire should not be to leave this world nor to conform to it's ways, but rather have our eyes and hearts so set on God and His will for us that all we do shows and encompasses that no matter where we are.

So, if I am overly concerned with how I "appear" to others then where are my thoughts on how I am living for God? If I am focused solely on living a life sanctified in truth then all the rest should fall in place. If I know what God wants of me, then there should be no anxiety because the decisions and actions I make will be no brainers. The inside and outside should be so consistent that there is no room for question as to who I am living for. {Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2}

This... This is what I desire. To live a life not for outward appearances or for inward thoughts, but for heavenly things. Not to strive to be pleasing to the world, but to be pleasing to my Creator.